Through tears and Smiles

What happens when,
What happens when to try to speak
But the words get stuck in your throat,

What do you do,
When though you have forgiven
Still you still mess things up.

How do you find
The right words to convey your feelings,
The right gestures that wholly convey your emotions;

I sit, I rise
I speak then fall silent
Because each emotion laden word redolent of the silent years
And the numerous tears
Is misunderstood and promptly tossed aside by you.

Speak you tell me,
Open your heart to me, you plead
Then I do and you don’t like what you see,
So in a bid to cope,
You make me eat my words

Well, I have henceforth decided
That come everything and anything
I will love you
Though you never know
how much you have hurt me
I will love you
Treat you right,
Through tears and smiles.

Récit

Pow! Pow! Pow! So you think you are so smart, eh? Wham! Wham! Wham! I’ll show you what it is to be a man in this house… Ahhhhhhhh! I screamed as Mide changed his weapon from hands to legs… Mide!!! Yeaa….. The baby, please…. dont…. my belly… ohhh… am sorry, yeeeeaaaa……
What are you sorry for? He asked  as he used his heavy belt on my stomach and back, as i try to eacape his belt in a last ditch effort to save my baby. You this crazy, ugly, good for nothing woman, I don’t know why I married you… He finally catches up to me, tackles me and rains blows to my belly, how am I sure it’s mine, eh? You lying slut, I told you not to talk to other men when I am not there. Wham! He slaps me over and over. Is it because I took you to the function. Pow! I’ll show you today… His weight is pressing on me as he sits on me punching and slapping. I begin to feel something warm and sticky flowing down my legs which I guess is blood in my haze of pain. This is the third baby I have lost due to Mide’s flashes of rage so you can say I have gained some form of experience.  I quit begging Mide for mercy as that’s not gonna happen soon and simply wait for the beating to stop. I love my husband, it’s all my fault, I chant to myself as I slip into unconsciousness. to be continued…

Blue Sky

Dark skies, no moon

Windy mornings, rainy days

Crashing skies, stormy weather

Let me bring you warmth like leather

 

You smile at me, my world is shining

I look at you, my heart is racing

No more cold, no more rain

All I feel is hearts aligning

 

Let my love bring warmth to your soul

Let my presence bring light to your eyes

Through this cold and lonely night

Let my love be your blue sky

 

The rain is gone, the sun is here

The skies are blue, spring is here

Through the stormy wind and weather

Let my love be your blue sky.

P.S: I honestly don’t remember the original author of this poem. Legend has it that it’s between myself and a certain young lady known as Mojisola. I lean towards myself only because I vaguely remember some aspects of working on it. I lean towards her because i remember chatting her up the day of the poems writing and because I am not sure of the warmth of leather. Lol. This postscript is in the spirit of honesty. Hopefully you enjoyed it and the author doesn’t matter

Blue Sky

Dark skies, no moon

Windy mornings, rainy days

Crashing skies, stormy weather

Let me bring you warmth like leather

 

You smile at me, my world is shining

I look at you, my heart is racing

No more cold, no more rain

All I feel is hearts aligning

 

Let my love bring warmth to your soul

Let my presence bring light to your eyes

Through this cold and lonely night

Let my love be your blue sky

 

The rain is gone, the sun is here

The skies are blue, spring is here

Through the stormy wind and weather

Let my love be your blue sky.

P.S: I honestly don’t remember the original author of this poem. Legend has it that it’s between myself and a certain young lady known as Mojisola. I lean towards myself only because I vaguely remember some aspects of working on it. I lean towards her because i remember chatting her up the day of the poems writing and because I am not sure of the warmth of leather. Lol. This postscript is in the spirit of honesty. Hopefully you enjoyed it and the author doesn’t matter

Gomer’s Song.

I come to you,

Crawling, on my hands and knees.

I come to you,

Broken, bruised, abandoned.

Everything I used to know is changed.

Everything I thought true turned out to be a lie.

 

This is surreal,

It must be a cruel joke,

This is probably what death feels like.

This falling headfirst into pitch darkness,

Screaming quiet, no one hears

Struggling, clawing at something, anything

Nothing.

This pit seems to have no bottom

 

Then, I remember you

Yes, I know what that says about me

But I am way past caring,

I remember you.

Your laugh, your smile

Your presence,

Caring, loving, tender,

Lifting me, holding me,

Making me whole.

 

I remember you

Now, in this very moment,

When it seems like all hope is lost

I remember you

I climb the stage , trying to find my voice

Suddenly, I look around

And realize that I am late for my solo conversation.

 

Suddenly, I see you walk in

No, scratch that, I feel you first

That’s how it’s always been.

I know you are there way before I see you

So standing there

With my scabs and sores

Not scars of war but hurts of life’s affairs

Because when you live long enough, stuff happens.

 

Maybe it’s the way you walk

Or the look of love and compassion

In your beautiful eyes

Whatever it is, it pulls me

Reining me in,

Pulling me closer and closer.

 

So I come to you,

Crawling, on hands and knees

Wrought with exhaustion

You see my attempt and swoop in

Carrying me in your bosom

Holding me in your arms that are forever

Loving me with a self – sacrificing fierceness

I had’t just found healing

I had found home.

Our Love song.

pristine7:

God is the lyric to the perfect love song. Like music, you feel the song and connect with the lyrics. The same way, you connect with God and let His love and presence wrap you around and make you whole.

Originally posted on The Virtuous Spirit:

Typical Christian blogger like me, ran into a few love blogs that i’m totally loving at the moment. No doubt, I’m a love junkie. I like to love and be loved. I’m sure you do to so don’t even look at me like that. lol. :)
 
Meanwhile, last Sunday, i went for a LAFamily (we are Christians who study and apply God’s word virtually) meeting and after it all, i felt healing and warmth. That’s what happens when love is activated.
 
Okay, so in the love mood, let me just say a few things.
 
Love began with God and originated from God. He is the source of love. Love is a good thing so it’s okay to want to be loved.

Remember?? Remember??

God created our desire to be loved. He wants us to love and enjoy being loved.

Love is power and purity and health and peace…

View original 136 more words

Maladies and maladministrations

Humans are all inherently selfish. I don’t care who you are, the malady resides in us all. Jesus makes the difference in us. The capacity for selfishness is reduced. We however must realise that we can be. It’s one of our imperfections. It’s funny how can accept our imperfections mostly in a general sense. When we are honest, first with ourselves then with others, we will be able to acknowledge our need for help and maybe even get it. For the most part, we are masters of deception, advocates for our faults, and judges acquitting us of our crimes. Being honest is perhaps the best gift we can give ourselves, for in the acknowledgement of our humanity, we may have a chance to hold on to what’s being held out- divinity.

Much Ado about Something

Being sad in my book is much worse than being bitter. I know you may think that’s not true but that’s why I said ‘in my book. This is why:
* When you are bitter, you probably are bitter at one person or a couple of people at the most. When you are sad however, you don’t need a reason or a person.
* When you are bitter, you have a good chance of being pretty good company when the object of your bitterness isn’t around. When you are sad however, it can be contagious. Whoever came up with the saying, ‘Misery loves company’ is probably a sage.
* Bitterness can be uprooted when properly dealt with and the object of your bitterness is forgiven, in the case of sadness, the only known cure is a healthy dose of joy which you have to work up yourself. Imagine that, as with many things of worth and consequence, it has to be handled by you.
These are just a few reasons for my conclusion, not also leaving aside the fact that I have been down both roads and I can tell you which is which.

I speak about sadness and bitterness because it is the reason for the single word- brokenness. Not the brokenness that the bible enjoins us to be, but the brokenness that causes a lack of motivation, a sense of degradation and a conclusion of life being meaningless. The bible even says, a broken spirit, who can bear.

I believe that there is a young girl inside of every grown or growing woman. The quality of that girl however, is not only subject to the kinds of cards she has been dealt with in life but her approach and life decisions she makes as a result of these cards. I used to think that this thing about who you are was overstressed but now, I know better. As long as there are people in this world, there would always be a need for affirmation, love and feelings of self worth.
Our lives philosophies are shaped by what we see, read, meditate on, feel and most basically relate with. The issue is this- there are a lot of sad women today. This is bad because once they are sad, there is a signal sent to all their loved ones to try to fix them but the issue is they can’t be fixed by people and this is very frustrating for both parties. If they are not in a romantic relationship, it blinds them from anyone who could possibly love them and if they are in one, their partners continually fight the losing battle of trying to give them what only they can give themselves. They eventually give up and walk away or stay and shrivel up the relationship (this however is quite unlikely), however you look at it though, they give up.

What then do we do?
* We have to love ourselves: the first step to truly loving anyone is to love you. Tell yourself that you are beautiful even when you think you are lying.
* Forgive those who have hurt you: this is the only way you can move forward. Hand it over to God. He alone can help you with moving on.
* Allow yourself to dream: it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t what you originally thought you will do with your life, it doesn’t matter that it costs a lot of money that you don’t have, neither does it matter that people will laugh or some others will be disappointed. Take hold of your life and don’t let anyone live it for you. You were not made to live in anyone’s shadow.
* Enjoy your life. If you think you have to change jobs every year to service your many talents, do it. If you think you will be happy with many jobs, do it. When you need rest, take it. Love your friends, love your family, and forgive your parents and siblings. Yep. I said it. In life, they will inadvertently hurt you just as you have them, so forgive. It frees you to love your life.
* Be your foremost cheerleader: wear the outfits, carry the pompoms and cheer you into the life you see for yourself.
 

Much ado about something

Being sad in my book is much worse than being bitter. I know you may think that’s not true but that’s why I said ‘in my book. This is why;
* When you are bitter, you probably are bitter at one person or a couple of people at the most. When you are sad however, you don’t need a reason or a person.
* When you are bitter, you have a good chance of being pretty good company when the object of your bitterness isn’t around. When you are sad however, it can be contagious. Whoever came up with the saying, ‘Misery loves company’ is probably a sage.
* Bitterness can be uprooted when properly dealt with and the object of your bitterness is forgiven, in the case of sadness, the only known cure is a healthy dose of joy which you have to work up yourself. Imagine that, as with many things of worth and consequence, it has to be handled by you.
These are just a few reasons for my conclusion, not also leaving aside the fact that I have been down both roads and I can tell you which is which.

I speak about sadness and bitterness because it is the reason for the single word- brokenness. Not the brokenness that the bible enjoins us to be, but the brokenness that causes a lack of motivation, a sense of degradation and a conclusion of life being meaningless. The bible even says, a broken spirit, who can bear.

I believe that there is a young girl inside of every grown or growing woman. The quality of that girl however, is not only subject to the kinds of cards she has been dealt with in life but her approach and life decisions she makes as a result of these cards. I used to think that this thing about who you are was overstressed but now, I know better. As long as there are people in this world, there would always be a need for affirmation, love and feelings of self worth.
Our lives philosophies are shaped by what we see, read, meditate on, feel and most basically relate with. The issue is this- there are a lot of sad women today. This is bad because once they are sad, there is a signal sent to all their loved ones to try to fix them but the issue is they can’t be fixed by people and this is very frustrating for both parties. If they are not in a romantic relationship, it blinds them from anyone who could possibly love them and if they are in one, their partners continually fight the losing battle of trying to give them what only they can give themselves. They eventually give up and walk away or stay and shrivel up the relationship (this however is quite unlikely), however you look at it though, they give up.

What then do we do?
* We have to love ourselves: the first step to truly loving anyone is to love you. Tell yourself that you are beautiful even when you think you are lying.
Forgive those who have hurt you: this is the only way you can move forward. Hand it over to God. He alone can help you with moving on.
* Allow yourself to dream: it doesn’t matter that it wasn’t what you originally thought you will do with your life, it doesn’t matter that it costs a lot of money that you don’t have, neither does it matter that people will laugh or some others will be disappointed. Take hold of your life and don’t let anyone live it for you. You were not made to live in anyone’s shadow.
* Enjoy your life. If you think you have to change jobs every year to service your many talents, do it. If you think you will be happy with many jobs, do it. When you need rest, take it. Love your friends, love your family, and forgive your parents and siblings. Yep. I said it. In life, they will inadvertently hurt you just as you have them, so forgive. It frees you to love your life.
* Be your foremost cheerleader: wear the outfits, carry the pompoms and cheer you into the life you see for yourself.
 

Who am I

Who am I?
What am I here for?
It seems my life is just a series of events,
a cascade of the good, bad and ugly,
a myriad of tales with maybe just a smidge of happiness on the side.

Some tell me, live for now,
you don’t know tomorrow,
so seize today.
others say,
live for tomorrow,
the choices you make determine the course of your life.
How do I know which is right.

People travel the world on the claim of finding themselves,
all the while forgetting that who they are looking for is right with them all the while,
there has to be something more to life than ourselves,
something beyond just another day,
another experience,
another tally to the barrage of life’s lessons.

Various theories have been given to this thing called life,
some sounding as useful as Mendels law of inheritance,
others as discardable as Larmacks theory of use and disuse.

I have not all the answers I seek,
I however have come to realise,
my greatest joys have been derived from living my life for the One above,
while this doesn’t take away all my problems,
it sure gives me a fortitude to face them.

The manufacturer is more important than the product,
If the product is destroyed,
the manufacturer can create another,
the potter is more important than the clay,
the artist more than the work,
the scientist than the experiment,
God more than man.

He alone that created us can tell us who we are and what we are made for,
I’d spend my life trying to out from Him what He had in mind when he made me,
though I may not always stay or get it right,
I like my life much better with God in it.

Love and Doubt

If you loved ‘virginity is a verb’, you will love this piece. It is by the same author- Readywryter. Enjoy!

Nothing intrigues you about lovers than the ready way they occupy each other’s private space to present a perfect, doting front even when as individual, you could see their sharp, misunderstood angles sticking out. It’s like being with someone who fades your flaws, who completes your stuttering so the world can finally understand what you were saying all along. It’s like you befriending relief.
It is not every time you see this of course in a transactional city like Lagos where even the best of relationships are mostly transactional, where lovers see their exes as the bullet they dodged as supposed to the one that got away. But there are exceptions to every rule and it is this exception, this angle that intrigues you, that wakes you at night to dream, that makes you not want to settle for less even when less appears to be the overriding mores.
Today, you write for your friends who redefined precedence to present a template, who find something worth chasing in those the world would rather chastise. You do recognize that the time a man wakes up is his morning so you do not judge those whose love breathes at the sight of mint, mating or macho but this is for those who search beyond the tinsel, trailers and all the trappings without to love anyway. And here is a ready clue; their last name isn’t Christ.
You remember that lady in church who proposed to your shy, dithering friend who, in his defense, has created many occasions for proposal but just couldn’t come through even though the ring remains in his pocket. As if that wasn’t enough ‘taboo’, she is older than him and that was enough red-light for his other friends to raise the desperation card against her. But not you and thank goodness not your friend either as he is able to sweep away fluffs and face the brass tacks because today he is a successful life coach…. certainly not the job for the lily livered.
You remember your brilliant course-mate, very well put together human being. He was apparently the dream of most ladies in your church because of the uproar that received the news of his engagement to a former “runs girl”- a proper streetwise nymphet. Now, the problem with the past is that of its long shadow, a shadow more dedicated than the foulest of farts. You remember religious, half-wit brothers welding around him like a coven, whingeing that he deserved better, that they have propositioned her, some even went as far as showing you pictures on their Iphones to back up their claims of  having had a share of the… ahem… local cake. Talk about the I-sin on a cake. But he stuck to his gun and today, Hollywood’s best offer of a happy family doesn’t do theirs justice with three lovely kids.
Their stories inspire you to believe, to keep an eye out for love, still. To look out for renegade, those who conformed less, whose love is spelt in commitment. You doubt your prospects when you see relationships crumble around you like Arsenal’s title bid but you balled up again when you read that Doubt and faith go hand in hand. Faith and certainty are like oil and water. And when love does finally appear, you hope to resist that doubt that whispers nothing this good could wait this long for me to stumble upon.