Through tears and Smiles

What happens when,
What happens when to try to speak
But the words get stuck in your throat,

What do you do,
When though you have forgiven
Still you still mess things up.

How do you find
The right words to convey your feelings,
The right gestures that wholly convey your emotions;

I sit, I rise
I speak then fall silent
Because each emotion laden word redolent of the silent years
And the numerous tears
Is misunderstood and promptly tossed aside by you.

Speak you tell me,
Open your heart to me, you plead
Then I do and you don’t like what you see,
So in a bid to cope,
You make me eat my words

Well, I have henceforth decided
That come everything and anything
I will love you
Though you never know
how much you have hurt me
I will love you
Treat you right,
Through tears and smiles.

To Be or Not To Be

To be or not to be
That is the question
To be rich and famous
Satisfied with life’s jewels
Fattened by the freedom
The freedom to choose
The freedom to be.

To be or not to be
That is the question
Not to be apathetic
Going through life unfeeling
Inconsiderate of hearts broken
Sadness lurking in the shadows
Hasty retreats of people
Those too scared to make the first move

To be or not to be
That is the question
To be what
To be who
Not to be
A dislodged flower billowing in the wind
Or an ignorant Buffoon dancing in the dark
Oblivious to a large hole just ahead

To be or not to be
That is the question
To be all I can be
Mindless of the odds
Tenacious despite challenges
Persevering through it all
As I am inexcusable
Not to be who be who I really am

Today

Just for today,
I will not worry,
Because it sure won’t change my situation.
Just for today,
I’ll work hard and be effective,
Because I may not be here tomorrow.
Just for today,
I’ll appreciate the scenery,
Blue skies, starry nights,
Because tomorrow may be stormy and gray.
Just for today,
I’ll let my hair down,
Blowing in the wind,
Put my hands up and dance,
Because I can.
Just for today,
I’ll not let anyone pull me down,
No trouble breaking my stride,
Because strength is in high demand.
Just for today,
I’ll keep fighting,
Get back up,
Having faith and believing,
Because today is time’s most precious gift.

Who We Are

Perfectly imperfect
Securely insecure
Wisely imprudent
Lovingly loathed
Diplomatically forthright

Lookee here honey
You can’t be all you wanna
You can walk but not fly
You can read but not sing
You can fly but not soar

Stop!
Do what I think is best for you
Be whatever you want to be
Just don’t not different
Don’t terrify the villagers
For who knows what they will do

Stay in the region I created
Don’t stray from tradition
Walk in the accepted path
Don’t dare to be a rebel
For rebellions were born to be squashed

Don’t you remember
Humans are individuals
Distinct, unique,
Each with their special qualities
Individuals with choices

Mistakes are made
Chances taken
Choices made
Rising and falling
Bringing beauty from ashes
Its what makes us who we are.

Tomorrow

How wonderful,
I find you in my world,
Before you,
My life was bleak,
A dark mask of nothing,
With no end in sight

I see you,
A beacon in darkness,
A flood of light,
Bringing life and hope
I hold on to you,
And in that moment,
I feel a slice of heaven

Bury me not in the lonely prairie,
Sing me a song of love,
Help me see,
And once again believe,
In liberty and freedom,
In the promise of tomorrow.

Récit II

Each relationship is different. Everyone of them have their peculiarities. I know this because I am in what you might call an abusive relationship. I call it fighting for what I have. What relationship doesn’t have ups and downs? Where were you when the going was good? Do you expect me to run at the first sign of a little trauma. It’s easy for you to stand in your glass houses and point fingers, easy for you to say, “Bimbola, leave Mide alone, move on with your life.” Where were you when Mide took care of me during the miscarriages? He was such a tender, attentive husband. You don’t know. All you see are the scars. Scars I tried so hard to hide from you. I hold on to those moments when am in the hospital from the last punishment he gives me. I’d try harder not to enrage him again. If I am not the stubborn one, he’d be more loving, attentive and his bursts of anger would be fewer and far between…

Récit

Pow! Pow! Pow! So you think you are so smart, eh? Wham! Wham! Wham! I’ll show you what it is to be a man in this house… Ahhhhhhhh! I screamed as Mide changed his weapon from hands to legs… Mide!!! Yeaa….. The baby, please…. dont…. my belly… ohhh… am sorry, yeeeeaaaa……
What are you sorry for? He asked  as he used his heavy belt on my stomach and back, as i try to eacape his belt in a last ditch effort to save my baby. You this crazy, ugly, good for nothing woman, I don’t know why I married you… He finally catches up to me, tackles me and rains blows to my belly, how am I sure it’s mine, eh? You lying slut, I told you not to talk to other men when I am not there. Wham! He slaps me over and over. Is it because I took you to the function. Pow! I’ll show you today… His weight is pressing on me as he sits on me punching and slapping. I begin to feel something warm and sticky flowing down my legs which I guess is blood in my haze of pain. This is the third baby I have lost due to Mide’s flashes of rage so you can say I have gained some form of experience.  I quit begging Mide for mercy as that’s not gonna happen soon and simply wait for the beating to stop. I love my husband, it’s all my fault, I chant to myself as I slip into unconsciousness. to be continued…

Blue Sky

Dark skies, no moon

Windy mornings, rainy days

Crashing skies, stormy weather

Let me bring you warmth like leather

 

You smile at me, my world is shining

I look at you, my heart is racing

No more cold, no more rain

All I feel is hearts aligning

 

Let my love bring warmth to your soul

Let my presence bring light to your eyes

Through this cold and lonely night

Let my love be your blue sky

 

The rain is gone, the sun is here

The skies are blue, spring is here

Through the stormy wind and weather

Let my love be your blue sky.

P.S: I honestly don’t remember the original author of this poem. Legend has it that it’s between myself and a certain young lady known as Mojisola. I lean towards myself only because I vaguely remember some aspects of working on it. I lean towards her because i remember chatting her up the day of the poems writing and because I am not sure of the warmth of leather. Lol. This postscript is in the spirit of honesty. Hopefully you enjoyed it and the author doesn’t matter

Blue Sky

Dark skies, no moon

Windy mornings, rainy days

Crashing skies, stormy weather

Let me bring you warmth like leather

 

You smile at me, my world is shining

I look at you, my heart is racing

No more cold, no more rain

All I feel is hearts aligning

 

Let my love bring warmth to your soul

Let my presence bring light to your eyes

Through this cold and lonely night

Let my love be your blue sky

 

The rain is gone, the sun is here

The skies are blue, spring is here

Through the stormy wind and weather

Let my love be your blue sky.

P.S: I honestly don’t remember the original author of this poem. Legend has it that it’s between myself and a certain young lady known as Mojisola. I lean towards myself only because I vaguely remember some aspects of working on it. I lean towards her because i remember chatting her up the day of the poems writing and because I am not sure of the warmth of leather. Lol. This postscript is in the spirit of honesty. Hopefully you enjoyed it and the author doesn’t matter

Gomer’s Song.

I come to you,

Crawling, on my hands and knees.

I come to you,

Broken, bruised, abandoned.

Everything I used to know is changed.

Everything I thought true turned out to be a lie.

 

This is surreal,

It must be a cruel joke,

This is probably what death feels like.

This falling headfirst into pitch darkness,

Screaming quiet, no one hears

Struggling, clawing at something, anything

Nothing.

This pit seems to have no bottom

 

Then, I remember you

Yes, I know what that says about me

But I am way past caring,

I remember you.

Your laugh, your smile

Your presence,

Caring, loving, tender,

Lifting me, holding me,

Making me whole.

 

I remember you

Now, in this very moment,

When it seems like all hope is lost

I remember you

I climb the stage , trying to find my voice

Suddenly, I look around

And realize that I am late for my solo conversation.

 

Suddenly, I see you walk in

No, scratch that, I feel you first

That’s how it’s always been.

I know you are there way before I see you

So standing there

With my scabs and sores

Not scars of war but hurts of life’s affairs

Because when you live long enough, stuff happens.

 

Maybe it’s the way you walk

Or the look of love and compassion

In your beautiful eyes

Whatever it is, it pulls me

Reining me in,

Pulling me closer and closer.

 

So I come to you,

Crawling, on hands and knees

Wrought with exhaustion

You see my attempt and swoop in

Carrying me in your bosom

Holding me in your arms that are forever

Loving me with a self – sacrificing fierceness

I had’t just found healing

I had found home.