Through tears and Smiles

What happens when,
What happens when to try to speak
But the words get stuck in your throat,

What do you do,
When though you have forgiven
Still you still mess things up.

How do you find
The right words to convey your feelings,
The right gestures that wholly convey your emotions;

I sit, I rise
I speak then fall silent
Because each emotion laden word redolent of the silent years
And the numerous tears
Is misunderstood and promptly tossed aside by you.

Speak you tell me,
Open your heart to me, you plead
Then I do and you don’t like what you see,
So in a bid to cope,
You make me eat my words

Well, I have henceforth decided
That come everything and anything
I will love you
Though you never know
how much you have hurt me
I will love you
Treat you right,
Through tears and smiles.

Who am I

Who am I?
What am I here for?
It seems my life is just a series of events,
a cascade of the good, bad and ugly,
a myriad of tales with maybe just a smidge of happiness on the side.

Some tell me, live for now,
you don’t know tomorrow,
so seize today.
others say,
live for tomorrow,
the choices you make determine the course of your life.
How do I know which is right.

People travel the world on the claim of finding themselves,
all the while forgetting that who they are looking for is right with them all the while,
there has to be something more to life than ourselves,
something beyond just another day,
another experience,
another tally to the barrage of life’s lessons.

Various theories have been given to this thing called life,
some sounding as useful as Mendels law of inheritance,
others as discardable as Larmacks theory of use and disuse.

I have not all the answers I seek,
I however have come to realise,
my greatest joys have been derived from living my life for the One above,
while this doesn’t take away all my problems,
it sure gives me a fortitude to face them.

The manufacturer is more important than the product,
If the product is destroyed,
the manufacturer can create another,
the potter is more important than the clay,
the artist more than the work,
the scientist than the experiment,
God more than man.

He alone that created us can tell us who we are and what we are made for,
I’d spend my life trying to out from Him what He had in mind when he made me,
though I may not always stay or get it right,
I like my life much better with God in it.

Love and Doubt

If you loved ‘virginity is a verb’, you will love this piece. It is by the same author- Readywryter. Enjoy!

Nothing intrigues you about lovers than the ready way they occupy each other’s private space to present a perfect, doting front even when as individual, you could see their sharp, misunderstood angles sticking out. It’s like being with someone who fades your flaws, who completes your stuttering so the world can finally understand what you were saying all along. It’s like you befriending relief.
It is not every time you see this of course in a transactional city like Lagos where even the best of relationships are mostly transactional, where lovers see their exes as the bullet they dodged as supposed to the one that got away. But there are exceptions to every rule and it is this exception, this angle that intrigues you, that wakes you at night to dream, that makes you not want to settle for less even when less appears to be the overriding mores.
Today, you write for your friends who redefined precedence to present a template, who find something worth chasing in those the world would rather chastise. You do recognize that the time a man wakes up is his morning so you do not judge those whose love breathes at the sight of mint, mating or macho but this is for those who search beyond the tinsel, trailers and all the trappings without to love anyway. And here is a ready clue; their last name isn’t Christ.
You remember that lady in church who proposed to your shy, dithering friend who, in his defense, has created many occasions for proposal but just couldn’t come through even though the ring remains in his pocket. As if that wasn’t enough ‘taboo’, she is older than him and that was enough red-light for his other friends to raise the desperation card against her. But not you and thank goodness not your friend either as he is able to sweep away fluffs and face the brass tacks because today he is a successful life coach…. certainly not the job for the lily livered.
You remember your brilliant course-mate, very well put together human being. He was apparently the dream of most ladies in your church because of the uproar that received the news of his engagement to a former “runs girl”- a proper streetwise nymphet. Now, the problem with the past is that of its long shadow, a shadow more dedicated than the foulest of farts. You remember religious, half-wit brothers welding around him like a coven, whingeing that he deserved better, that they have propositioned her, some even went as far as showing you pictures on their Iphones to back up their claims of  having had a share of the… ahem… local cake. Talk about the I-sin on a cake. But he stuck to his gun and today, Hollywood’s best offer of a happy family doesn’t do theirs justice with three lovely kids.
Their stories inspire you to believe, to keep an eye out for love, still. To look out for renegade, those who conformed less, whose love is spelt in commitment. You doubt your prospects when you see relationships crumble around you like Arsenal’s title bid but you balled up again when you read that Doubt and faith go hand in hand. Faith and certainty are like oil and water. And when love does finally appear, you hope to resist that doubt that whispers nothing this good could wait this long for me to stumble upon.

Little Feet

She is only seven years old
But her brown eyes tell a tale,
A tale of misery, a tale of pain,
Suffering, hardship, much more than you could imagine.

She was beaten, bruised,
Neglected, scorned and mistreated.
Her life is like an encyclopedia of various negative pills,
Filled with chronologies of bruised arms and scarred faces.

She is a woman now,
She has learnt from the litany of pain,
She has gleaned experience,
The kind that needs never have been learned.

Bishop T.D Jakes said bent saplings makes twisted trees,
She alone can tell you the truth that lies behind those words.
If you look closely, behind the tough shell,
Behind the over compensation with whatever she uses,
You might also see it.

We miss her, the lady she would have been had her life not been shattered at a very young age,
It’s shards piercing through her skin,
Drawing blood, emptying her of her innards.

Protect the patter of little feet,
Sing to her the song of freedom,
Sing to her of the Lord’s redeeming power,
Let her be born and let her find healing in His wings.

Dedicated to you

How do you fight with someone who won’t get into the ring with you?
Where do broken hearts go when they have been shattered beyond recognition?
What do you do when your heart squeezes tight in your chest, so tight you fear you can’t take another breath, though through no apparent fault of yours?

We all at one time or the other experience one or more of these feelings. I am not here to condemn you. If however, you are one of those people who we see through our opaque glass mirror of life, you who everyone seems to think you exist for some reason- you who never feel pain, never know sadness and never rethink who you are and what you do at any point in your life, good luck.
I speak though to those who at one time know pain, sadness and doubt, who may have one time or the other contemplated ending your sojourn here on this ephemeral side of eternity, you who may have forgotten what it means to believe in yourself or maybe you never knew what that ever meant. You who have never been celebrated, recognised or accepted.
This is my message to you:
1. Go out today expecting something good to happen- when you are down, the only way to go is up. Expect to go there. If you don’t have good today, look forward to tomorrow.  It will get better. There is hope.
2. Find something to be grateful for- if nothing else, realise that the fact that you are alive is proof positive that it can and will get better. Don’t end your life. What if it isn’t better over there? You can’t just wish to come back here.
3. Embrace and believe that there is love and life in the world- In the midst of darkness is where light is most appreciated. Don’t just stop at embracing and believing, act it out. Shake, hug, smile, laugh. These little things go a long way.
4. Don’t ever get bitter- there is enough evil in the world as it is, thank you very much
5. Love, love and don’t stop loving- someone loved you and died to prove it, you share love with others too… give as you can and don’t forget to laugh with and at yourself.

Musings

Whose soever sins ye remit, they are remitted unto them; and whose soever sins ye retain, they are retained.’ John 20:23.

It strikes me how we Christians who are to be the most sincere, considerate and helpful people have the tendency to also be the most judgmental people… we are called to be like Jesus and I hope you enjoy this musing of mine and it blesses you, reminding you of what God has called us to be.

Don’t judge me,
You don’t know who I am,
Don’t judge me,
You don’t know where am from.

You caught me in the act,
You claim I deserve to die,
You can’t see,
You don’t know.

I realise that I shouldn’t be doing this,
I know it is wrong,
If there isn’t a propensity to fall
Then it wouldn’t be a temptation.

Sweet, kind, considerate words
Gentle, tender, loving hands
Things I long for and never have
don’t you even think you are better than me

Abused, dejected, rejected, misused,
You never got to face these lyk I
Yet you choose to point fingers
When am a captive to my passions.

Jesus came, bringing all I need with Him,
He loved me, no matter my wretched past
He took me in, no judgement in His kind eyes

Now, the Lord is my caretaker,
I have all I need,
As for you that have known Him for a while and think I don’t deserve Him,
Looking at me in terms of my past and not my present
Remember that Christ came to save sinners of whom I am chief.

This is what I will do:
I will take His love to a dying world,
I will proclaim that no matter what you have done or who you are,
He loves you and He died just to show it,
I will walk day by day
Living like my husband, lover, friend and everything
Who thought me everything I know about love and acceptance,
I will spread His message of love and grace.

Don’t Be Discouraged

Recently, I came across a poem that spoke deeply to me and lifted me up. This I believe should be the aim of whatsoever we have to do that involves others.

We live in a world where people think they have a right to judge you and your actions; right or wrong.  This you see, can become very frustrating and can make the ‘accused’ feel less than they actually are. Everyone at a point are victims of this, I believe. We live in a weight obsessive, relationship rushing, money grasping,  power tussle, appearance conscious society.  I know you feel me. This can lead to chasing what isn’t lost and holding on to what can’t be found. This ultimately could lead to low self esteem, wrong evaluation of what’s important and striving for the wrong things,  jumping on the train of the next fad and latest things in fashion. This is tiring, I must say. You will probably agree with me.

Before I unveil what i have for you today,  lemme say that I hope you break away from that vicious circle and focus on what’s important.

What I have is the writeup that encouraged me. It is called “I refuse to be discouraged” by a person called BJ George. Enjoy!

I refuse to be discouraged,
To be sad or cry;
I refuse to be downhearted,
And here’s the reason why…

I have a God who’s mighty,
Who’s sovereign and supreme;
I have a God who loves me,
And I am on His team.

He is all wise and all powerful,
Jesus is His name;
Though everything is changeable,
My God remains the same,

My God knows all that’s happening;
Beginning to the end,
His presence is my comfort,
He is my dearest friend.

When sickness comes to weaken me,
To bring my head down low,
I call upon my mighty God;
Into His arms I go.

When circumstances come to rob me of my peace;
He draws me close unto His breast,
Where all my strivings cease.

And when my heart melts within me,
And weakness takes comtrol;
He gathers me into His arms,
He soothes my heart and soul.

The great “I AM” is within me,
My life is in His hand,
The “Son of God” is my hope,
It’s in His strength I stand.

I refuse to be defeated,
My eyes are on God
He has promised to be with me,
As through this life I trod.

I’m looking past all my circumstances,
To Heaven’s throne above;
My prayers have reached the heart of God,
I’m resting in His love.

I give God thanks in everything,
My eyes are on His face,
The battle’s His, the victory mine;
He’ll help me win the race.

How do you see?

Hi people, this piece is written by a dear friend of mine who since I have had the privilege of meeting has loved Mathematics. Anyway, this is what I would call, a case for maths… lol… enjoy!

Everybody looks, but not with the same quality of vision. You know, it all depends how you see-or let me say, what you see through. I have 20/20 vision but I never see with much detail as a 41 megapixel Nokia Lumia phone. I still can’t get as much detail using my powerful Nokia Lumia phone as I can if I use a microscope.

If a man looks at a mass of muddy water and for example tells you the kinds of microorganisms that exist in that water, what would you do? What if a man sees you playing a computer game and he tells you the lines of code that run in the background of your screen? Oh, tell me about the man who sees your building and tells you how soon it will collapse because of certain faults he sees in the building.

To tell you the truth, these microorganisms, codes and building faults are actually real. They really exist. Well, maybe not in a tangible form as your cup, your phone or your laptop. But you must know that he fact that something exists means that it is real on a certain level of existence.

What do you see when you see a man running? What do you see when you see water flowing through a pipe into a large container? What do you see when a large number of clothes are hanging on a wire and the wire snaps?

My daily experiences only prove the reality of what you call abstract: Mathematics. In all these things, I see numbers. I see volume, height, speed and time. I see the distance the running man has to run, his speed and the amount of time it takes him to get to his destination. I see the weight of clothes on the line, the cross sectional area of the line just before the wire snaps, and how much the wire stretches because of the weight of the clothes.

I love Mathematics. It is the world of living numbers. Where six and seven are actual realities, zero doesn’t just mean “nothing”, 1 can make all the difference, and infinity can be quantified. It’s where you reality starts. I scribble figures and symbols in my world but you see a bridge. Tell me what you would have been able to achieve in your own reality without statistics. It is the link between your past and your present; and of course the one that shows you the possibilities of your future.

What would you have done if you were not able to count anything? Money wouldn’t exist as a means of exchange. What if you weren’t able to count how many hours are in a day? How would you know how many years you have lived? If you can only reach me on my mobile phone by something you call abstract, doesn’t that show its reality?

I’m a mathematician and I dare say that your world would not even exist without what my predecessors have given to you. The founder of Mathematics created your world and it will all disappear if He took Mathematics out of it. If you don’t believe me, just let the earth tilt by one degree…

SEEING BUT NOT PERCIEVING

Its good to be back. As to why my last post was ‘virginity is a verb’, it isn’t lack of material that has kept me away this past months but something more to do with the internet (a story I perhaps mights share later)… Lol. Anyway, I am back and this I hope is something you will enjoy and gain from.

I look all around me, I see the sick, the lonely, the destitute. My heart aches because though I see them, it seems like its just me seeing all these… Homes of people razed down for the flimsiest reason and many in support, rendering people homeless, people seeking solace and finding none, taking the next available bus of promiscuity and violence.

No one seems to care anymore, people don’t even bother to try. In the past, people used to be their brother’s keeper, but these days all I see are averted gazes, people peering into their stereos to prevent looking at the beggars on the street, others staring straight ahead. Then I ask the million dollar question… Where are the soldiers of Christ?
Are they sleeping, what is going on? Is prophecy being fulfilled negatively in their lives and they care less? Oh! Children of the most high go about daily, not caring for the lost sheep of the house of their own Israel. Many claim to be servants of the most high, but are they doing the work of the Most High? Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse the leper, they do not. Preach the good news to the poor, they don’t. The ones that claim to are either condemning or are ‘preaching with their lives’ (though they have taken this term to mean an excuse not to do anything anymore).

I want to please my saviour. I know there must others like me because when Elijah spoke this way, God told him of the 7,000 remnant in Israel. Thank God for His remnant. So I have decided, this is what I will do. I will get into the world and take what the bible said and actually do it. Not just preach it, or gist about it, sing about or act it out in a 10 – 30 mins stage, but daily. Give to him that asks you, owe no man, love your neighbor, do to others as you want done to you. These are all instructions in His word… Though hard, I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. Maybe as I do this, the others will begin to see and perceive. This I can only hope. As for me though, I vow to bring God’s will here on earth, one soul at a time.
Musings…

Virginity is a verb

This was written by one of my friends, popularly known as readywriter. I do hope it speaks to you, guy or gal. One thing is sure though, I will write my own version of this piece and that would be soon hopefully.

NB: this should be filed under the ‘passing thought’ locker. Thanks for filing.

The fact that you had to do a lot of rewriting exposes how blurred your take on virginity is. ‘This shouldn’t be hard’ you had said, assuring yourself when you decided to write on the subject matter. It really should be a black and white situation because you are a, Ahem.. virgin. Yup, a male virgin in his mid-twenties. Yup, a dying breed in this culture insensitive world.

You doubt if this status quo is due to your faith or as your friends suggested ‘a lack of opportunity’. They come with a good case too even though the most damning evidence lies within you, away from judging eyes: When you are by yourself, when life isn’t treating you like a whispering success or a flashing failure, you try to dream. Some call these dreams, fantasies. You choose to call it a dream because you can only do it with your eyes wide shut. In your dream, Megan Good (*insert your dream wife/husband here*) is a vivacious, voluptuous virgin with a sense of humor that makes Sandra Bullock drool (who sometimes double as the protagonist when Megan is involved in a scandal). Since you are the holy director of this righteous dream, you make sure your scenery include the sitting room: where you lovebirds are PES addicts, or the library where you two appreciate Adichie’s Americanah, or the church where she’s an amazing dancer and you, an avid audience or the cinema, where your hands and senses are locked in a romantic reverie, the movie genre notwithstanding. Your dream has all those ‘what Jesus would do’ scenery except the bedroom because you know… Then you slept off. And in your dreams, (ok, feel free to term this section, fantasy), you have no artistic control over she does to you and… And… And…

So you wake up from your fantasy/nightmare to bind every spirit-wife chasing you in your dream because your pastor says you can not have wet dreams but deep down you know you will gladly give chase to this ‘spirit wife’ if she shows the slightest sign of interest in reality. It is this reality that bothers you, that humbles you, that eventually leads you to put your virginity ‘through the test’ and the following quote sums up the result: ‘but I say unto you, that whosoever looks on a woman to lust after her commiteth adultery with her already in his heart.’ It is God that justifies.

Hands Lifted High

This piece wasn’t written by me, but by one of my beautiful writer friends- Mojisola… I hope you enjoy it…

With our imperfections… We have come to worship. It’s amazing is it not? This is the very thing that unites us. Managers and employees, teachers and students, husbands and children, all in one room. Sunday in, Sunday out, I look at the crowd in the church, the mass of people – with hands lifted high – come to worship one Lord. Eyes closed, knees bent, passion felt, with weak words expressing fickle emotions. I look at the multitude trooping in, as rivers endless. I shut my eyes and express my gratitude for the weeks past. Then again, I steal a quick glance at the entrance. How can anyone ever deny this reality? So many taking the morning off to be with one Being. Who dares to say He doesn’t exist? Grown men crying, women singing, children dancing. How precious! He really has the hearts of kings in His hands. Right about now, time is taking a stroll across the room and the crowd is getting even larger. People praising with so much focus and intensity. We act like we don’t have a care. Really, nothing else matters ‘cause it’s all at His feet. I shut my eyes and get on my knees. I stretch out incapable words in an attempt to reach His splendor. With blurry images I try to capture His greatness. I’m really just thankful for the grace to be in His presence and I would not trade it for anything!